Our Angel

Another hectic morning. Chico has been on one, I stepped in pee in Saylor's room (I'm sure it was Chico's pee), and I haven't felt very good again.

Saylor was playing with her gym while I was doing a couple things. She started getting fussy and bored so I picked her up, initially planning to sit down and feed her. Something stopped me though, and I just stood there for a couple minutes holding her. She was peaceful. She was looking over my shoulder and started smiling and laughing a little. I turned around- nothing there. I have a belief that babies can see spirits, and the veil is still pretty thin for about two years after they are born. Maybe someone was with us that she could see and they were making her smile and laugh. Still standing there in the middle of the room holding her, I suddenly had a rush of emotion come over me. Looking at her little fists, her arms hanging over mine, her beautiful blue eyes...I felt intense love for this precious child that God has given Jordan and I (I am tearing up just writing this!). Of course I have always loved her from the time I found out I was pregnant, but today I just recognized how passionate it really is and how grateful I am to be her mother. I don't know what I would do without her and I feel like she's been in my life forever.

Watching Jordan with her gets me even more emotional.

 

I have never really had a father in my life. Still don't. Everyday I watch Jordan with Saylor and see his unconditional love for her and I am so so grateful that my daughter will grow up with such an amazing dad, who I know will ALWAYS be there for her to love and support her. I never had that and it is so important to me that my daughter has it. My mom on the other hand, is amazing and I strive everyday to be the kind of mother to Saylor that my mother is to me.
Everyday is crazy around here, but everything from the smiles and coos to our baby sleeping in my arms is what keeps me going. I just am amazed at what God trusts us with, our precious little angel.