No More Cleanse

Call me a quitter, call me weak, call me whatever you want.

I could not finish my cleanse.

 

My day started off with a lot of motivation for this cleanse. I drank my whole cup of lemon ginger water, gagged down most of all of my detox breakfast drink (made up of kale, apples, celery, parsley, cinnamon, lemon juice, and flax seed. I'm sure there was more but I can't remember).

 

AND I had walnuts, carrots, and celery for my snack, then a salad for lunch that could easily be called "everything and the kitchen sink". It was huge and full of green stuff.

 

But...there was a lot that went wrong today.

 

The worst started this morning.

 

I was drinking my water, feeding Saylor breakfast. Suddenly Saylor lost it. She threw up everything and I mean everything. It came out her nose.

 

Right after that happened, she looked at me in a panic and reached for me. I suddenly noticed she was so clogged up, she couldn't breath.

 

Then I panicked.

 

I screamed for my step dad, as I frantically tried to learn her forward and get her out of her high chair. Of course she was buckled in but for some reason I didn't remember that.

 

Finally after what seemed like ever, Saylor kinda started crying, whimpering and coughing. I tried my best to wipe her nose out (we couldn't find the bulb syringe anywhere).

 

I was covered in baby vomit, and Saylor was covered in baby vomit.

 

Saylor wouldn't drink anything for a while after that, she just kept coughing and gagging trying to get that all out. I felt horrible and helpless.

 

As time went on today she increasingly got better and is fine now.

Talk about traumatic- for both of us.

 

She throws up sometimes when I feed her breakfast and I don't know why. I wonder if she eats too fast, if I feed her too much, or she gets too much in her mouth and gags on it? I may call her doctor tomorrow and see what they say. Every time I feed her (especially after this morning) I am just terrified she's going to loose it again. I don't know if I am feeding her too much or too little.

Ugh.

 

Anyway, I was still motivated to keep on with my cleanse after that.

 I did my class over web cam while eating carrots, celery, and walnuts.

 Ok so far.

 

I made lunch- which took forever. I forgot to mention my green breakfast drink took forever too. After lunch I started having severe sharp stomach pains. I wanted to vomit myself.

 

Too many veggies...

 

I realized I had not paid much attention to my daughter today (my brother helped me out a lot watching her) due to my meals taking forever to make, I was feeling gross, and decided it just wasn't worth it. I could not eat another vegetable-filled meal and I didn't want to take anymore time away from what matters most in my life.

 

SO...I had some Cadburry eggs and that was that.

 

My brother and I made taco lasagna for dinner, which was dang good. A lot better than vegetable soup probably would have been.

 

My only problem is I bought all this stuff for my cleanse and now I don't know what to do with it. Except the walnuts...I think I'll make walnut chocolate chip cookies.

Ironic huh. Haha.

 

The rest though...who knows. Lots of soup I guess.

 



I can still make a goal to eat healthy, which I'm doing. I just can't eat the same things for every meal (especially same vegetables!). Can't do it.

 

Now I'm thinking a liquid cleanse does sound better. I can drink things faster than chew them. So we'll see about that.

 

After Saylor's vomit episode, I gave her a bath.

I am smart now and use a lufa to wash her- way easier and faster than a rag.

She had a bunch of soap on her tummy, and she kept putting her head down and rubbing her chin all over the soap then would look up at me with a huge grin and a soap-beard.

I laughed out loud every time she did this, which was probably about five. It was so cute...and in that moment I thought about how insanely grateful I am for my little angel.

 

I am so grateful Heavenly Father was watching over her when she lost her breakfast.

I am so grateful for her happiness and love she gives me everyday. I can't imagine my life without her- seriously.

 

One time meeting with my bishop, he played me the song "In My Daughter's Eyes" by Martina Mcbride. I've known this song forever, but it never really hit me how much it applies to me right now. I know I posted it on this blog earlier.

 

I always rehearse this line in my head...

"In my daughter's eyes, I am a hero. I am strong and wise, and I know no fear. But the truth is plain to see, she was sent to rescue me, I see who I want to be, in my daughter's eyes."

 

Beautiful and so accurate. We've gone through hell the last couple months and I know God sent me Saylor to help me through this.

 

Regardless of when I try a cleanse again, what matters most is I eat good food that gives me strength to care for Saylor.

 

Here's to daughters, happiness, and chocolate.